verklingen (verklingen) wrote in oven_pouch,
verklingen
verklingen
oven_pouch

Writings!:D

Like I said, I'd be posting them here.:D

1. On the cutting room floor - A fic comprised of moments that "didn't quite make it" into the notebooks due to an editing process.:D

2. Chatroom 1 - For the lack of a better title. The boys are alive and well in cybersp@ce!

3. Chatroom 2 - No ideas for a title either. But this one only includes the boy-boys, if you catch my drift, and perhaps paranoia has caused them all to take the ID checks a little too seriously...o.O

Without further ado, here they are!:D

ON THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

"... and River told Chim that the first time he ever saw Lex was during a Pureblood banquet held over spring. He remembered it was the spring before their first year at Durmstrang because it was the same day he and Vasilii had first gotten their wands.
The two boys were doing their best to contain themselves as they ate, and each tried to see who could come up with the better first jinx. River was on the verge of saying Bat Bogey when orange juice squirted out of Lucas's nose and into Ianthe's general direction.
Lucas later explained that it was because he'd overheard their grandfather telling off Inigo the previous year to make more of himself, and obviously, Inigo took that statement literally, since there were now two identical raven heads sitting at the other side of the banquet table..."

~

"...A few weeks into their trying to learn each other's native tongues, Lex thought it would be fun to challenge River's growing proficiency by writing him a short note in French. River, however, found the activity too easy and decided to up the ante, and Lex spent hours in the Ancient Runes and Tomes section of the library trying to decipher the short reply.
When Lex finally told River over dinner that no amount of research could crack the superspy code River had used on him, River nearly choked on his potatoes. He later said that he was sorry and he would take that into consideration the next time.
What Lex did not know was that River had used the plain Ruski font, and if only he'd taken the note in front of a mirror, (it would've been blindingly clear)..."

~

"...when casting a special charm that turned off his ears whenever Lex came into the room had become habit to Chim. After all, Lex merely prattled on about his day or what nuisance River and Inigo were up to and how he'd been left out again because he wasn't a 'homie' or some other berjiggy that Chim did not particularly care enough about to learn.
Lex found out about this plain, hurtful habit of Chim's when one day, as he was telling Chim about how he thinks he's falling in love with River, he began to suffocate on really bad gas. Apparently, in the silence of Chim's mind, he'd begun to think he was alone in the room, and he shamelessly let a stealth bomber rip.
The wise decision would have been to find a new confidante, one who genuinely cared about your day and did not go philandering off with the object of your affections to cast mayhem on unsuspecting victims, but since Lex was young and not particularly wise, he instead spent hours in the library learning a charm to turn off his nose ..."

~

"...first major fight, afterwhich Lex had cried in a very virile way to Inigo. This was why Inigo and River were now standing in front of Durmstrang's outer wall in the middle of dinner.
When Inigo instructed River to pee on the wall, River did not think it was punishment enough for making Lex cry, but since he and Inigo were partners in crime, he had figured that Inigo was letting him off easy by having the school punish him. So he peed on the wall.
What he did not know was that the walls were charmed to be electric, and when the electric current was conducted by his pee straight to his prick, he was reduced to a trembling curled-up ball on the grass, painfully clutching himself.
Inigo then kicked him on the arse and told him he was lucky to be getting off easy this time, but nevertheless ... "

~

"...hoped that Helene would take the news better this time. But instead, Lex told him that the scene before him now was a deja vu of when he was five, and River tried to remember what happened when Lex was that age.
Inigo later told him that when they were five, Lex first invited Inigo to come over, and Lex introduced him to his mother. Lex had said a few strings of perfectly enunciated French to her and she fainted like a falling tree. As Lex and Inigo were fanning her face with their folded-up treasure maps, Inigo asked Lex what he'd said, Lex only shrugged and said 'the truth.'
It would be a few years later, when, thanks to Helene's pensieve and a few lessons with Lex, Inigo realized that Lex had told his mother that his name was Inigo and that he was going to be his wife..."

~

"...a cone, Inigo did not believe Lex when he told him it was possible to choke on ice cream. But apparently, it was true, as, just a few days ago as Lex and River were walking in the park, Lex choked on his ice cream when River got down on one knee. Inigo replied appropriately to this by choking on his own..."

~

"...no other reason for this but true, true, undeniably and veritably until-death-do-us-part kind of love. River tried to tell himself that this sort of act was a rite of passage of sorts, that he was doing this to show his future mother-in-law that he had no evil and malicious intentions towards her son.
But naughty intentions were another issue entirely, and as River's mind began to wander off to the many things he would do to Lex as payment for this, he was snapped back to reality by a sharp whip crack. He then remembered that he was wearing embarrassingly tight leggings that left nothing to the imagination, and thus, thoughts about Lex were completely prohibited. Unless they involved torturing Lex. But then again, torture could also be mingled with pleasure, and --
Another whipcrack.
River then tried to concentrate on the movement of his arms and tried to skip with grace on the tips of his toes while the grand piano played childish tunes in the background. Maybe if he instead concentrated on landing properly on his toes instead of why he was wearing the ridiculous pink ballerina slippers..."

~
end


CHATROOM 1

rawwwwrgasmicg0d: PING!
superlexyh8spink: i'm not talking to you. you killed my boytoy.
rawwwrgasmicgod: Oh, come on amoooooooooorrrrrrr.;j
rawwwrgasmicgod: ...are you serious?
rawwwrgasmicgod: ...AMOOOOORRRRR.
rawwwrgasmicgod: BUZZ!
crystalrio has joined the conference.
crystalrio: i h8 you.
rawwwrgasmicgod: See, amor? Rio is alive and well!>:D<
superlexyh8spink: i h8 you both.
rawwwrgasmicgod: whaaaaat did i dooooo?
crystalrio: crybaby.
superlexyh8spink: h8h8h8h8h8
crystalrio: u can keep moping. im not scerrrd.
rawwwrgasmicgod: ADAM LAMBERT IS MINE.
superlexyh8spink's status is now ADAM LAMBERT = MY BOYTOY
crystalrio: dream on.
rawwwrgasmicgod: dream on.
rawwwrgasmicgod: lolz gokey!
crystalrio: miguel inigo torres. did you just say lolz?
rawwwrgasmicgod: si lolz.
rawwwrgasmicgod: i'll say it again si tu quieres. lolzlolzlolzlolzlolzlolzlolz
crystalrio: :))
crystalrio: Leon uses emoticons for everything. or one or two letters.
rawwwrgasmicgod: he chats with you?!
crystalrio: of course. unlike OTHER PEOPLE in this room, i'm actually quite interesting to chat with.
superlexyh8spink: i h8 you even more now. srsly.
crystalrio: missing vwls?
chim has joined the conference.
superlexyh8spink: shut up, boytoy.
crystalrio's status is now I'm not your boytoy, I'm just a sexy guy.
rawwwrgasmicgod: you ripped that off of something else, i just can't remember what...
crystalrio: dementia?
superlexyh8spink: alzheimer's, probably. it's the inbreeding, getting to his head.
chim: lex, we're all purebloods. we've all been through the inbreeding process at one point or another. you do remember that, right?
superlexyh8spink's status is now ZZZZZZ
chim: very funny.
crystalrio: what's with the username?
rawwwrgasmicgod: boooooooriiiiiiing.
crystalrio: we should've made his account. changed his name to something like 'stepfordwife' :))
rawwwrgasmicgod: or wanker4lyf
chim: and have my clients receive emails from that account?
crystalrio: ...
superlexyh8spink: of course!
rawwwrgasmicgod: why not?
rawwwrgasmicgod: *high5, amor!*
superlexyh8spink: *smirks*
chim: ... oh, you meant a different one just for you three.
superlexyh8spink: believe it or not, there are 5 of us in this chatroom right now.
chim: riiiight.
crystalrio: yeah.
rawwwrgasmicgod: you all lie, there are only four!
chim: ok, 5.
rawwwrgasmicgod: because if you count my godly presence as a human's, it would be such blasphemy! oh the horridness!
rawwwrgasmicgod: HEY!
chim: who else would you invite in a chat anyway? miguelito?
shizznitzboomboompow3008: me.
chim: ...
chim: no
chim: fracking
chim: way
rawwwrgasmicgod: *g* he said fracking
crystalrio: rofl you're how old and you can't even cuss properly not even in chat rofl
superlexyh8spink: srsly u need a life.
shizznitzboomboompow3008: L
chim: wtf is it with you and your usernames?!
superlexyh8spink: omg we have finally done it.
superlexyh8spink: we have managed to make chim express human emotions through chat.
crystalrio: this moment must be documented!
rawwwrgasmicgod: it shall go down in history!
superlexyh8spink: *saving chat*
crystalrio: *printscreen*
rawwwrgasmicgod: *copy+paste*
chim: ...
shizznitzboomboompow3008: *ctrl+s*
chim: >:(
rawwwrgasmicgod: :-*
superlexyh8spink: *confetti*
crystalrio: drinks?
chim: now move on to leon as your next project.
crystalrio: oh, we'll let him move on his own pace.
superlexyh8spink: just getting him to go online to chat was difficult enough.
rawwwrgasmicgod: took a lot of billiard games, if you know what i mean.
superlexyh8spink: bray, you play billiards with leon, right?
crystalrio: not THAT kind!
superlexyh8spink: better not be.
rawwwrgasmicgod: awww, are you jealous, lexypoo, mi amor?
crystalrio: it won't work out, we're both, you know...
chim: ...what?
chim: 3 minutes have passed since you posted that line, what comes next?
crystalrio has left the conference.
rawwwrgasmicgod: ohno. that's never a good sign.
chim: oh.
shizznitzboomboompow3008: RIP
chim: lol
rawwwrgasmicgod: somebody should call and make sure he's okay.
chim: ...fine, i'll do it.
superlexyh8spink: he was going to say plugs. that he and leon are plugs and we, cher, are outlets. they think we're subs.
rawwwrgasmicgod: BLASPHEMY!
superlexyh8spink: exactly. so i had to remind bray who wears the pants in this relationship.
chim: that really doesn't have anything to do with...
superlexyh8spink: i dare you to finish that assertion.
chim: what are you doing back so soon, anyway? don't tell me that's all you've got.
superlexyh8spink: *gag* did you just make an attempt at an obscene joke referring to my sexual prowess?
rawwwrgasmicgod: *copy+paste*
shizznitzboomboompow3008: *ctrl+s*
chim: of course not, i'm merely pointing out that if you'd really meant to thoroughly teach River a lesson, you wouldn't be back so soon.
superlexyh8spink: and what makes you think i'm not still teaching him a lesson right now?
chim: ...
rawwwrgasmicgod: touche! *high5*
shizznitzboomboompow3008: nice.
chim: omfg
superlexyh8spink: inigo, did you just send a request for my webcam?
rawwwrgasmicgod: Nooooo
chim: what?!
rawwwrgasmicgod: Si.
superlexyh8spink: just checking.
rawwwrgasmicgod: gracias!
chim: what have you two not seen each other doing?! honestly!
shizznitzboomboompow3008: nada.
rawwwrgasmicgod: leeeeoooooooooon ;j
chim: oh god not while im here.
rawwwrgasmicgod: why did you think i created this chatroom? and how else do you think i managed to persuade leon to chat with us?;j
chim: god no i can't take this
chim has signed off
crystalrio has joined the conference
crystalrio: stupid fucking chocolate roachies! *shudders*
crystalrio: hey. anyone still in here?
shizznitzboomboompow3008: bc
crystalrio: oh.
crystalrio: webcam?
shizznitzboomboompow3008: sent
crystalrio: thanks.:D

~
end


CHATROOM 2

ispy14 has joined the conference.
sushiboi17 has joined the conference.
sh18head has joined the conference.
ispy14: i hate google.
sh18head: stfu
sushiboi17: there's no delete button for mail.
sushiboi17: ...
sh18head: .
ispy14: ..
ispy14: id check completed!
sushiboi17: we should really change my line. technically, google already has a delete button for the mail.
sh18head: rly?
ispy14: but changing the line defeats the purpose of the id check!
sushiboi17: oh yeah? how?
ispy14: it's supposed to be confusing. it'll throw off the unsuspecting dopplegangers.
sushiboi17: fine, gary powers.
sushiboi17: but i still don't like my line.
sushiboi17: can't we come up with something more...fun?
sh18head: like what
sushiboi17: i don't know. anything would be more fun than "i hate google".
ispy14: fuck u.
sushiboi17: fine, let's switch lines then!
ispy14: but i like my line!
sushiboi17: leon, switch with me?
sh18head: fuck off
sushiboi17: see? why do i have to get stuck with the lame long line?
sh18head: ur jap is y
sushiboi17: racist!
ispy14: i'm not. we were allies during that war.
sh18head: war?
sushiboi17: hellooooo. world war 2? nazis? hitler? allied vs axis?
ispy14: he must've been hiding under a rock.
sh18head: wasnt born yet sry
sushiboi17: fuck u neither was i!
ispy14: fuck u!
sh18head: my pleasure
ispy14: ...
sushiboi17: ...
sushiboi17: so are we changing the prompt or what?
ispy14: motion to change?
sh18head: aye
sushiboi17: aye
ispy14: fine, we're changing it. to what?
sushiboi17: how about i say konnichiwa?
ispy14: great!
ispy14: how very not-you that sounds! we'd be able to spot a doppleganger in no time!
sh18head: :p
sushiboi17: then what about i log in and say mushrooms?
ispy14: then what?
sushiboi17: then you think of something.
ispy14: see? you're not even thinking out the entire process!
sushiboi17: you're taking this too seriously!
ispy14: THERES NO SUCH THING AS TAKING ID CHECKS TOO SERIOUSLY
sushiboi17: this isn't fun anymore! you're not fun anymore!
sushiboi17: stop picking on me!
sh18head: jap.
sushiboi17: you stay out of this!
ispy14: you know what? i got on this chatroom to catch a break from the whiny person i live with here at home. shut up, you whine just like him!
sushiboi17: you boss me around just like he does!
sh18head: queens.
ispy14: fuck you!
sushiboi17: fuck you!
sh18head: stfu.
ispy14: ...
ispy14: ...
ispy14: ok, ID check completed!:D
sushiboi17: that was fun.:D
sh18head: what now
ispy14: ...
sushiboi17: i was thinking about changing my id again.
ispy14: ok, but we stick with the prompt?
sh18head: aye
sushiboi17: gtg, he just came in
sushiboi17 has signed off.
ispy14: up for billiards?
sh18head: sure
ispy14: :D
ispy14 has signed off.
sh18head has signed off.

~
end

Comments?:D
theoriginalshizzle out!;j
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